Broken Hearted

Bloody ink left on the paper

covered with tears from my eyes

Heart broken into a million pieces

All repercussions of your lies

I tried to love you as best I could

I wanted to be your very best

I never thought Id get the short end of the stick

But you preferred to leave me for the rest

I struggled at night to be heard and held

In your arms is where I lay

You shifted your focus to another not me

It started longer than today

I'm tired! I want to be loved

Give me what I need

Choose me! Take Me!

Sadly, you wont ever take heed!

Increase Your Standards

As I stepped into the salon I felt uneasy. I had heard rave reviews about this place but it didn’t seem like it had the spunk that I needed. The floor had left over hair on it from the night before. The garbage bins were filled to the brim and the stylists complained that they didn’t feel like doing hair on such and such day because they had “other appointments”

Wasn’t this your job? You signed up for this business and now you are refusing business? If you haven’t guessed already this is a black owned hair salon.

Finally I take a seat and wait for my turn. My hair just needed a wash and set but I also wanted  deep conditioning and trim. I couldn’t take the risk of doing it myself. My appointment was at 10:30am and  it is not 10:45. I peruse  magazines and try to make conversation with the gum-snapping women that “work” there. The ones that are sitting in their own chairs not asking me if I need assistance or what I need done to my hair. Finally at 12:20 my stylist comes in and does what she needs to with my hair. She doesn’t apologize for her tardiness and for what usually costs 40 has cost me 65 dollars and all of my day. The purpose of me going there early was so I can leave early. I left at 5:00 pm and now I am driving ten miles above the speed limit so I can get my kids from aftercare at 5:30pm because my stylist decided to take her sweet time and none of her dingbat co workers cared enough to lighten her load and represent her company properly.

You do all understand I am making a point here. There were many issues involved in this scenario and the main one was PROFESSIONALISM. When you represent a business you must adhere to the rules of the customer. You are on their payroll and their clock. Do not show up to work late and be disrespectful of others time. Do not half ass your client and do not have them waiting on you. Do not have your co workers bitch and moan about not having work but they are turning it down when it comes your way. THIS is why people do not support black businesses because at times we do not represent ourselves accordingly. My instructor a few years ago said to me after I got to his class five minutes late. He said You are late. I said, no sir I am on time. He said, that’s the problem Allie. In life, everyone thinks they have enough time. Be fifteen minutes early for everything and you are on time. Be on time and you are late. Be fifteen minutes late and you have just missed an opportunity! Don’t let life slip away from you ladies and gentlemen! INCREASE YOUR STANDARDS!!!

Anatomy of The Jump Off!

“Cuffin”, “Bunned Up”, “Fuck Buddy”, “Entanglements”, “Situations”, “JumpOffs”, “Sideline Hoe”

Those are the terms used in the new millennium that describes the current state of relationships.  I mean its really self explanatory and the men and women that condone this state that’s it’s a way of life. Its Not!

Men aren’t supposed to be committed to one woman. Women should know their place blah blah blah.

Well quite honestly, what  is the point of marriage then?

The Bible states that GOD took a rib from Adam to create Eve because man and woman aren’t supposed to be alone. Later on in the scriptures it shows that Abraham and many others took more than one wife. Okay I get that…. But know that ALL THE WIVES KNEW EACH OTHER. If you are engaging in a relationship that is secretive, the other party has no knowledge of whats going on outside of the relationship then its CHEATING!!!  Now I am in no way an expert in theology however  know enough to know that things that occurred in the Old Testament and The New Testament are VERY different. I also know enough to know that people chop, screw and finagle scriptures of the Bible to use when it suits them as opposed to using it as fact and leading the lives they should according to His Word. That’s a totally different story in itself.

Being in a relationship requires work! It requires communication, trust, commitment and attraction of some kind and that’s just the basics in my opinion. Treat your relationships like how you do friendships. People must be worthy to be in your circle , to share your air, your mind, and your body fluids!

Women complain that there are no good men around yet they are giving up the goods way to easily under the premise of “Its not that serious”, “Im just having a good time”, “I can make him love me”

Sorry boo… it not going to happen. No man will take you seriously if he’s had a piece of the pie without commitment. YOU are just something to do and sadly if it good enough he will pass you off to his friends.

Men, please quit it! We are on to your games just like you are on to ours. Far be it from me to judge! But know that the while the double standards do exist you are still whores to us. I do NOT want to be walking down the street with you as my husband and see two or three chicks you’ve had relations with. Oh, and don’t ask about how many people we’ve slept with. It will forever ruin your image of us yet you want us to keep giving it to you in the bedroom. Let’s leave the answer at “PRACTICE MAKES PERFECT”

In closing, I hope it all makes a little bit of sense. Men and women think differently yet we want the same thing. It all boils down to LOVE. Women give sex for love and men give love for sex. That’s not a rumor…… that’s fact!

Trust

Momma always said dont look for things you dont want to find

Sadly those were the very things lurking in my mind

I ran to the phone and pressed redial

I heard a voicemail and smiled an evil smile

I now know what she sounded like

She didnt sound sexier than me

I wanted to know however what she looked like

and was her figure a size three

See Im a thick woman with curves in all the right places

but you seem to be whoring with women of all different races

Black, Hispanic, Asian and White

All them chicks got that pussy that you like

Im taking a backseat because I dont want to ruffle any feathers

yet Im the only one struggling to keep our shit together

Im the one that had your back and helped you focus on your dream

But what we had is unraveling like strings on a seam

I found her number in your pants pocket

and knew eventually she'd call your phone

Surely you didnt think I'd forever leave your cheating alone

What is it that makes you not love me

Is it my cooking or my weight

Or maybe you are simply tired of staring at my face

Did I not fuck you well

I even swallow when I should

yet you still messing with these hoodrats from your old neighborhood

I found some new company of my own

Someone that likes me just the way I am

Keep the drama I'm done with it

Cheers to you and your new fam!

Last Nite I Cried........

 

 

Last night, I cried for you.

I cried for me, too.

Seems like I had some De Ja Vu.

Through the tears, I lost my view.

Last night, I cried for me.

I cried for you, too.

Wondered if you truly loved thee;

if there could really be a we.

Last night, I simply cried.

My heart felt like I could have died.

Wanted to be in your arms, so open wide,

in your nook deep inside.

Last night I cried, and then I smiled, and thought

about the feelings I've often fought.

I guess I can say I might be in love.

Who'd a thunk it?!

The Epiphany

The Epiphany

After careful thought, I decided, finally to let go;

let go of the mirage I had developing in my soul.

My body and spirit no longer belong to you.

But I was too blind to know.

Your callous ways turned me off.

Your silence made me cry.

Should I just walk out the door quietly

or make love to you and then say goodbye?

You're no longer what I want in life.

You're no longer what I need

in order for me to love myself.

I must depart from you and proceed.

Too many sleepless nights wanting you and nothing has progressed.

Too many tearful days needing you. What are we to do next?

I've held in so many thoughts and feelings, it

makes my heart and hands ache to reminisce.

All the time we've had to learn

and did nothing with it since.

Since we last made love I've been craving you.

Do you not feel the same for me?

I doubt it, for you would have been in my arms

and I'd not have this EPIPHANY.



The Reason

The Reason

He gave me the reason to smile,

long after the desire was gone.

I laughed quietly inside, knowing he was the one.

He gave me the reason to love when my heart had no more to give.

I chuckled while we held hands tight, my fingers wrapped in his.

He gave me the reason to dream; knowing sleep is a serious struggle.

Finding comfort in his arms will no longer lead to troubles.

He gave me the reason to sing, something I've not done in years,

makes me sing a tune that brings the neighbors to cheer.

He gave me the reason to "be", to live my life accordingly;

making all decisions to make no one happy but ME.

He gave me the reason to LOVE, to love ME, myself and I.

In loving myself, we can both give love to each other unconditionally!

He gave me the reason......... no more needs to be said, just know that the reason is HIM .



Tonight I Pray

Tonight I pray silently that things will be restored to how they used to be;

that events that have transpired could just disappear,

that my fight or flight mechanism will no longer allow me to flee,

that I could just whisper my feelings in your ear.

Tonight I pray silently that slumber will come and take the pain away;

that my dreams will reflect the peace I seek from within,

that the sunshine will indeed represent the dawning of a new day,

that with just one word, I'll be forgiven of my sin.

Tonight I pray that I smile from the inside out,

that the tears I've shed will fade instantly upon hearing your voice,

that the redness of my eyes will once again be clear,

that the decisions I've made will be the right choice.

Tonight I pray that I find peace where there is chaos,

that I finally win and stop enduring and accepting loss,

that I release the shackles and finally run free,

that I decide for once, to be just ME.